‘Twas the last shopping days before Christmas'

‘Twas the last shopping days before Christmas'

My visit to Wal-mart on Monday was met with lots of rudeness. My response:

 ‘Twas the last shopping days before Christmas, when all through the stores
Not a shopper was sweet or kind, especially at the entrance doors;

The wrapping paper and bows were picked over without a care,
In hopes that a deal would be buried deep in there;

The children ran rampant and pushed through the aisle,
While parents stood by ignoring behavior and so in denial;

And managers in holiday outfits, and cashiers in a daze,
All hoping for just a smile and a little bit of customer praise.

When over in the electronics  there arose such a clatter,
And I jumped out of the way to stay out of the matter.

Away to the photos, I flew like a flash,
And stuffed my hand my purse to pull out some cash.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a line full of customers all faces fixed in a sneer,

With a cashier at the registers, so weary and looking sick,
I knew in a moment the line would not go quick.

More violent than bears they growled and they glared,
As he called the next customer looking terribly scared.

To the front of the line! To the top of the queue!
Now move up! Move forward! Move on through!

They pushed and shoved my baby and me, all wrapped in our coats.
And I turned to look at them like I could strangle their throats.

Finally able to check out and gather all the presents I bought,
Feeling sad, confused, and more than a little distraught.

Out in the parking lot, I rushed with my baby boy to my car,
Thinking that this day Christmas shopping would leave a small scar.

So fellow shoppers, allow me to give you words from my heart,
Please be of good cheer and remember to do your part,

Don’t push, shove, swear, or give any rude and angry faces,
As you rush about to buy your gifts from all different places.

Jesus was sent to the world to show His love to all,
 So remember the reason for the season, even in the brawl,

 It’s time to show love, be merry, jovial, and bright,
Say "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Maternity Leave and Milestones

First I would like to say that I appreciate that this great country provides working women with maternity leave at all. However, I would like to add that maternity leave is this great and totally amazing time where you learn all about your little baby and bond with him and then are abruptly thrown back into the workforce after only a maximum of 3 months together. Generally, a 3 month old is barely even mobile and is just starting to hit milestones.

Due to my pregnancy morning-sickness days off, I had 10 weeks with my baby boy. The first three weeks were brutal and full of many ups and downs as my husband and I learned how to take care of our new little boy. There were many tears, sleepless nights, a lowered immune system for me, breastfeeding confusion, but lots of pictures! I ended up having to go in to my doctor early for postpartum depression. Something just did not seem right, I was getting upset over the smallest things and did not feel like I was really enjoying the precious time I had with my son before I had to go back to work. The anti-depressant they placed me is considered okay to take while breastfeeding and I felt so much better! Suddenly, I was able to enjoy everything about my little boy and even diaper changing was not the worst (in fact, Elijah generally laughs now when he has his diaper changed - probably because I make funny faces and tell him all about how bad they are).

We had lots of visitors that first week and we were both appreciative of the attention and food. Our church had set up a meal delivery for the first week after I gave birth and it was such a relief not to worry about cooking those first few days. We had an abundance of meals and they all contained lots of beef to help me regain my iron since I had lost so much blood during the delivery.

One of the best moments came when Elijah was almost 4 weeks old. I had read online that newborns would actually copy you if you stuck your tongue out at him. So of course Noah and I both tried it and were so amazed to see our little boy furrow his brow and then poke his little tongue out back at us. It was hilarious to see and so rewarding to feel our baby connect with us in this small way. We had lots of smiles from Elijah very early one but it was hard to tell which ones were real and which smiles were just gas. Eventually we started to catch on :)

Around 8 weeks old, Elijah was already ready making lots of cooing noises and having a blast when we would copy him. We got lots of smiles this way and many serious faces as well. Elijah seems to be quite a thinker as he is always furrowing his brow and studying everything around him.

Back to work....

I think going back to work was harder for me than Elijah.  I was heartbroken when I had to drop Elijah off at daycare this morning. I teared up quite a bit but was able to keep my composure so I didn't full start sobbing Until I got back to the car.  He is just so small and sweet and SO YOUNG! I felt like a bad mommy to go off and leave him all day in the care of somebody else beside me. We had so many wonderful days together and he was already growing and changing every day. I just had this sinking feeling that I was going to miss everything new that happened and that he was going to forget his mommy.

Surviving 'Morning Sickness'

My path to motherhood began out pretty rough:

Going back to the early days of my pregnancy, It's week six of my first pregnancy and I am spending the day with the garbage can. Noah has stayed home with me because I need to go the doctor- I have been tossing my inerds since yesterday morning and we are now venturing into over 24 hours of vomitousness. My doctor can't see me until late that afternoon; never mind that I beyond dehydrated and so weak. When Noah and I get there we wait forever and are finally put into a waiting room - good thing I brought my garbage can with me. Upon her entrance, the PA informs me that she will not be treating me as a "pregnant" patient. Too sick to care at the time, I let her continue. However, I wish somebody would explain what that exactly means to not be treated as a pregnant patient when I am only vomiting because I am pregnant. She writes of a prescription rather quickly and remains impersonal - no congratulations for me, no sympathy. By the time I leave I have already made up my mind that I will be finding another doctor's office for the remainder of my pregnancy.

Thankful as I am for my prescription, my anti-nausea candy, and Saltine crackers - I spend my entire pregnancy suffering and vomiting. I loose 10 lbs early on in the pregnancy. The 'glow' that pregnant women typically get is replaced by a very pale green hue in my complexion. I only really begin to gain weight in my last trimester.

During week 12 of my pregnancy I actually have to go to the hospital. When Zofran fails and the vomiting doesn't stop, my new doctor's office quickly responds and calls in the supposed magic bullet -Phenergan. My dear husband leaves work early to pick up my prescription and tend to me - unfortunately the medication doesn't work and the office requests I come down for a walk-in appointment. My vomiting has now reached the state where I can expect to expel stomach acid approximately every 30 mins. Again the garbage can takes a trip with me and is definitely used on the way there. Arriving at the office, I have to go several times to the bathroom to throw up. When the doctor sees me, he decides that I am so dehydrated that I will need to go to hospital.

Noah drives me back across town to the triage unit at our local hospital. Unfortunately there was some miscommunication and I end up spending several hours in an uncomfortable ER bed in a hallway when the whole time there was a room reserved for me at the Womens' Center. Around midnight I make it over to the Womens' Center and several nurses inform me that I should not be having this problem now that I am in my second trimester. Interesting how people somehow think that this should be comforting- to basically be told that your body is abnormal. After being placed on IV Zofran I am able to stop the morning sickness and actually sleep. I sent Noah home to take care of our crazy dogs, Max and Zoey, and get some rest himself. The next morning, there is talk of getting me on a pump of Zofran but I would have to stay the rest of the weekend. Being on pump is not appealing to me and I opt to go home with oral Zofran and Reglan and see if the combination keeps me stable. Thankfully, this combination works for the most part but I still have days where I wake up miserable and nauseated and nothing but a phenergan stops it - of course the side effect is that I end up sleeping all day and can't go to work - thank goodness for FMLA.

Other than being diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum, my pregnancy goes well. My little baby grows and so does my belly. I experience many discomforts, such as nerve pain and swelling, but overall I was blessed to remain relatively healthy - even if I barely eat and what I do doesn't necessarily stay there ;)

Birth of a son

I'm a bit behind in my accounts of motherhood with my son being born in March thus I suppose I should have a review of the birthday. I had no grand plans to be surprised about the gender and wait until the big day. We found out that we were having a baby boy! 

Noah and I discussed names from the very beginning of the pregnancy and considered David, Ethan, Graham, James, Isaiah. However, the name we finally agreed on (3 weeks before he was born) was Elijah James. Elijah meaning "the Lord is my God" and James being Noah's father's first name.

So week 40 comes and goes and my doctor's office policy is to induce before reaching week 41. They already were predicting he would be a good sized boy.  I set the date to March 8th (4 days after my due date). Noah and I arrived at the hospital right at 7 am with our bags packed.  We were both nervous, terrified, and extremly ready to be done with the vomiting. Once settled in, I am started on Pitocin to get things going. I'm hooked up to monitors for my baby's heartbeat and my contractions.  It was incredibly uncomfortable. But at least there is cable TV!  I have to mention that for some sick reason I started watching Birthings on Discovery Health. I began to panic a little bit and Noah had to order me to change the channel. The rest of the day was spent watching Animal Planet lions and crime shows. I had contractions but they didn't feel like much. When the doctor comes to check on me I am in excruciating pain.  At this point I thought we must have made some progress.  She tells me that after an entire day of contractions, I have made it to an amazing 1 cm after starting the day at 1/2 cm. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! The doctor decides that we are going to take a break for the night and start again in the morning. Oh well, at least I got to have dinner.

Day 2 of labor on Pitocin starts bright and early at 6 am. After more painful exams, I decide to give the go-ahead on the epidural because if I can't handle the exam, then how will I manage the actual birth? I had the epidural and things  felt easy breezy for a while - until it stopped working on my whole left side. I had heard this was possible...but really? 10:30 am rolls around and they are still "looking" for the anesthesiologist to deal with my epidural situation. 

 Yeah right - the contractions got very intense on the whole left side and I curled up in pain as I Noah tenderly holds my hand. He watched the monitor so I would know when the contraction would be.  I felt so loved. The doctor comes in to check my progress - she informs me and my British nurse that I can start pushing.  Que??  It must be something that just comes naturally to you because they tell me to push during the contraction and I do. Noah holds back one of my legs and counts for me. He is absolutely amazing. The doctor comes in twice more while I am pushing and the second time informs me that they aren't ready yet and I am going to have to stop pushing.  it's time for my son to be born and they want me to hold on!!  I kept my cool and watched as this large light comes down from the ceiling, a table mysteriously appears out of no where, and four other nurses suddenly emerge as if they were hidden in the curtains.

 Minutes later my son, Elijah James, was born. Noah cut the cord and they cleaned him up.  Next, they handed me the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen.  I'm so in awe that I tear up.  A nurse snapped our first family photo and they weighed my new son at 8lbs 5 oz - incredible.

It takes over half an hour for the doctor to sew me up and I am told I have lost a lot of blood - which is most obvious in the pictures as I look white as a sheet or ghost (whichever comparison you prefer). I felt emotionally and physically drained. Also, I threw up during labor so I was probably dehydrated too - but I felt this amazing peace. I was holding the sweetest little boy and he's all (and maybe partially Noah's).


P.S. I want a discount on the epidural; 50% off would be fair I think.