It's been a crazy few weeks but things seem like they are on the up swing now. The hubby had a trip to the ER for chest pain but thankfully all is well with his heart. He's recovering from it and I'm recovering from the scare. It's amazing to me how you can push everything aside and focus on what needs to be done in that moment. I just called 911 and explained the situation, followed their directions, and waiting for the ambulance. I was calm when they arrived and was able to give his vital stats and list his medications for them. I saw him receive nitro and get loaded in the ambulance without a tear. I called his parents and left messages for everyone at 3 am. I found a friend to come stay with the boys so I could go to the hospital and take my husband pants and shoes and support him. Now that it's almost 2 weeks later, I'm finally sleeping again but I'm tearing up anytime I think about it.
I am having a lot of trouble giving up my dream of a big family. It's just not realistic, financially or otherwise. I always wanted to have at least 3 kids but with Noah's health issues (and frankly my own terrible pregnancies), I just don't see it happening. I'm not that old though and you never know what could change and how God's plans for you might be different than what you think. Still, I think after this last event with Noah, I just need to accept that a bigger family just might not be a possibility. I am so thankful for the two special boys that He has blessed us with raising and I wouldn't change a thing about them. They make us proud every day. I miss those little guys when they go to bed every night.
I'm working on being thankful in general....just in time for Thanksgiving too.
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